I was motivated to right this post because today I spent most of my day in the kitchen and frankly I was sick of it. God thankyou I skipped lectures today otherwise.. African dishes unlike western one's do not take less than an hour to make also my Dad's breakfast is more like brunch :). Do not get me wrong, I love cooking but I hate staying in there for hours and on top of that being sent up and down and to crown it all washing up heaps of dishes daily.
I wouldn't mind if I was a chef at a michelin 5 star restaurant and enjoying a fat salary.
Yesterday went to church and one of the pastor's came up to me and a friend saying " Daughters, I've brought something for you. It is a book called' Look before you leap' " The title was funny to me and I knew immediately it had to be one those marital christian books. Then I turned to my friend and said "Efua I have read these books for years and I bet, I can tell you all the themes in the book even without having read it" she laughed at me but I was so serious. In the end, we were the only people who bought the book and my prophecy came to pass there was nothing new I hadn't seen in the book.
Why was the book directed at us and not the guys? Why are most marital counseling seminars full of women? Why are ladies more prepared for marriage than men? WHY?? This double-standard if not checked would continue existing till 'thy kingdom come'.
I can vouch that women living in third world countries especially Africa have been socialized since childhood on how to be Ms. Right for their husbands. I remember aunties and grandmothers telling me to close my legs, speak softly etc. Even now, I still get advice from my mum and dad almost everyday on every minutaie detail on how to be a good wife. Food should always be warm when your man comes from work, wake up very early (preferably 4 am), argue less (agree most of the time with your man) the list goes on and on. Any small mistake you do will be a reminder to them to advice you once again. I love advice and opinions but I particulary dread one sided opinions.
Women in Ghana have been receiving such advice in schools, church, families even on tv. So, why are there high divorce rates? I think because too much emphasis is layed on the women yet our efforts are not being appreciated. This famous adage proves it ' Behind every great man there is a great woman' I think it should be restructed to 'Beside every great man' or else God would have taken part of the spinal cord to form a woman but he chose a rib.
Most men do not go through the same socialization process as women. Fathers do not really spend time talking to them about how to behave in marriages, there are few books that concentrate of manhood and African society itself is liberal to men. I am blessed to be born into a semi-modern and middle-income family but I still observe sometimes the bias that exists. For example, my brother is allowed to stay out late, he is chastised less, most of the time gets his own way and I and my sister are forced to compromise.
So I ask myself this question; Am I in a hurry to get married? No, I view it as a huge responsability.
I want to wear the white gown, walk down the aisle and go for a honeymoon in an exotic location but am also aware that it also entails being in the kitchen for long hours, getting pregnant, gaining weight and balancing working hours and motherly duties.
My Prayer: Lord help me be the Woman you want me to be, give me the strength,meekness, and perserverance to achieve that goal. Amen
God bless you all!
